I had a conversation with a guy friend this morning that ended quite awkward. I am not the type of person who broadcast my sex life (I really don't have anything to tell about) not even to my closest girl friends. For some people, it is comfortable to talk about it but to me , it isn't. I believe it's really personal. As liberated as the world can be, I have remained strong on my belief that a woman's virginity should not just be given away to anyone unless it's with the person you are married. And you are ready to do it. In my case, I am 27 years old, single and I don't intend to just it give it away. I had a boyfriend in college and it was very gentleman of him not to ask me of it.
Back to the conversation with my friend, he wanted to ask me of some personal questions regarding my 'experiences'. I agreed but I told him I will only say things that I would like to say. Some things could be too personal and I prefer to keep it to myself. The conversation continues and he had the most shocking revelation. He was the first man to tell it. Years ago, when we met, we used to talk over telephone for hours. He said that that time, he was thinking of getting me into bed. Am I shocked?!!!! I was! I couldn't believe it came from him. Of all people, from him. I felt betrayed that I cried. I do understand that he's a man and somehow, it's normal for them to think of it but we're good friends. He could have thought of just keeping it to himself because if he's sensitive enough, he would have known that I'd be hurt. But no, he still told me. What was he thinking??!! He probably still thinks about it and as OA my reaction can be, I feel like am gonna throw up. I can't believe he said those things to me. I guess we really don't know each other that well.
For my last message to him, I told him what I think of him. And guess what? None of it mattered to him. I told him he doesn't deserve the pain that his ex - girlfriend caused him nor he deserves that he's being taken for granted by his present girlfriend or almost ex - girlfriend. I also told him that if I were given the chance, I will never do that to him. But his revelations changed everything - the way I look at him, the way I see him and the way I feel for him. I don't need a person in my life who thinks that way. I maybe naive but it's how I see it. I believe I have been a good friend to him and I am still a good friend but today, he just lost me. We don't have to talk ever again. I am sad but I don't need to keep someone like him in my life.
I thank the good Lord for opening my eyes and making me realize that he's not the one. Just when I am ready to open my heart if he feels the same way, it got broken again.The lesson I never get to learn. I trusted him. I wanted to know him better. I became the friend that he needed. But he was so insensitive. He pushed me away. Whatever are his reasons, I am still hurt.