Thursday, December 6, 2012

So much in my head

There's so much in my head and I don't even know where to start.

I missed my friends. The last time I saw them was February of this year. I had to stop talking and seeing them because I feel so unworthy of their friendship. I have screwed up. I wasn't a good friend. And I had to focus on my family. I can't just spend time with them while my mother is still recovering from her sickness.

I am unemployed. Although I am studying every Saturdays, it is still different when I have work and my own money. It's so hard to decide on things. And of course, it's quite difficult when you're 27 and still living with your parents. Don't get me wrong. Nothing is easier with my life here. But sometimes, I feel that I should be living the life I've always wanted.

My former workplace is stressing me big time and seriously, if I don't get replies from them, I will have to seek legal advice. I don't understand why they make things so hard for their employees.

And him. He occupies my mind even when I am asleep. I think of him a lot. I don't even understand why I have to be in this situation. All I wanted is someone to share my life with but for some unfortunate reasons, I haven't met him yet. My situation right now is just so complicated. I want to be with someone who can't even see me. The stories of my life. Just when I am ready to take the risk, I always end up hurting. Ugh. I really hate emotional attachments. What makes it even worst, I don't know how long I am going to feel this way. There are times that I wanna talk to him the way we used to talk but things have changed. I just proved to myself how special he is. I am making him a crochet scarf!!! Imagine that. Crazy.

Sometimes, I just feel like my chest is gonna explode that I wanna burst into tears. I hate to feel this way but my life is a mess. I am a mess. And I don't know to begin to fix everything.

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