Friday, January 11, 2013

Him, me and my stupidity

He did it three times. My friends were telling me not to talk to him anymore because the kind of person that he is isn't worthy of my time. But I was stupid to follow my heart. I believed in him. I believed we're good friends. I believed he values our friendship. And my friends were right. I was wrong. You guys have no idea how much stupidity I feel right now. I wish it's the kind if stupidity that I can just easily laugh off but no, it's the kind of I-wanna-slap-my-face-right-now. I was right with one thing all along though. All these years, he has never seen me at all. I just had these silly thoughts that maybe, just maybe, he saw me. And clearly, he didn't.

He wanted to drop by my house but I lied to him. I said I was out. I wanted to see him but I already cleared my whole week for him. It's my most unproductive week because I was hoping we'll see each other any day he wishes too. When he told me he couldn't make it tonight and he wanted to come here, I realized that he can't see me anytime he wishes to. We're supposed to meet up tonight and for the third time he cancelled it. I already gave 7 days to him. I don't think he realizes what he has done to me. I asked for an explanation and all he could say is that they have a sudden family gathering. Yeah, I get it. I'm the least of his priorities. Who am I anyway to demand some of his precious time?

Dammit!! How can I be so stupid??? Yes, stupidity at its finest. Can someone slap me? I deserve it! I truly deserve it!!! I want to scream! I feel like my chest is gonna explode with so much heartaches and again, stupidity!!! Aaaaahhhhh!!!! I'm so stupid!! I'm the most stupid person right now!!!! And I have a broken heart to heal. How is that for a start of the year?!!!! I feel terribly awful of myself.

I don't know him. Yes, I know his name, couple of his relationship problems and that's all. I didn't have any idea that he could do such thing. I should have not trusted him. I should have not fallen in love with him. See what I will have to go through???

My poor stupid broken heart. Sobrang kawawa, diba? Stupid na, broken pa!! What am I gonna do with you? How did I let you fall so hard when I wasn't sure if there's someone to catch you? How did I let you end up with this misery?? I am so sorry. I should have guarded you. Hindi na tayo natuto. Well, I guess we both deserve some sweets and a little crying. I will get over this sooner than I think. I know I will.

This ends my stupidity. I am moving on. Without him.

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