I wanted to fall in love. I wanted to feel what it's like to be swept off my feet. I wanted someone who can make my heart skip a beat. I wanted someone who feels the same way.
And here I am. In love. Broken - hearted at the same time. How terrible, I know.
I want him to know. I want him to feel the same way. But he doesn't. None of it will matter to him. I am about to push him away. I might just lose him for good depending how much he values our friendship. I had to tell him for my own peace of mind. I have questions that need answers. And telling him is the only way. I didn't even know if it was such a wise thing to do. Maybe, it was the most stupid thing. After so many years, here I am crying as I type this down. But hey, I'm crying which means I'm not yet insensitive.
It's not meant to be. But I hoped it is. And it's not and will never be.
I feel so awful. For the nth time, I got a broken heart. I know I will get to move on just like I was able to do after Otep left. Even it takes years, I'll get through this.