Lost. Again.

I hate how I am not able to focus with what I really want to do. Things keep on changing every single day. I want to resign. I want a new job. I want to be in a company where there is a clear career path. It's frustrating that my career is not stable as I want it to be at my age now. I should be in the middle management. It was a tough transition to be where I am now when for almost 4 years, I was making orders. I had service crew to follow what I implement but now for about 8 months, I have been following orders of too many people. Sometimes, I get tired of it especially when I know it sucks but the only thing to do is to follow because that's what I am getting paid for.

I have always been half hearted of leaving my current work. I am surely gonna miss the staff members I work with. They're are younger than I am but I enjoy being with them. I am gonna miss couple of students whom I have been close with. I am gonna miss couple of lecturers whom I'd like to assist. A lot of them are really nice. It feels good when they say I am efficient with what I do. Lastly, if I leave I might not be able to see this one person who makes me look forward of coming to work though I am not sure for how long I will be able to see him there.

The other day, I attempted to give my resignation letter to my boss. We talked about my work and some of my complains. It matters a lot that he makes time to talk to employees. It matters a lot that he listens. He said that I am doing a very good job and he likes that I am in that company. Wow. Imagine what I felt. Those words came from him meant a lot to me. He's a very level headed person and an open minded too. So yeah, my resignation didn't push through because he said I should think about it for couple of months and when I feel like nothing has changed, we'll talk again. I have so much respect for my boss and out of respect I might stay for couple of months. By then, nothing should stop my resignation because I have to leave. I have to move on.