Monday, January 7, 2013

And the heartaches continue...

I love him. And am hurting really, really bad.

I've never been hurt this much for so long and I just wish this will be gone soon. I don't want this feeling. I hate being sad. I have the tendency to over think when I'm like this and it gives me headache.

Life is unfair, isn't it? Here I am, ready for love and have found the person I want to be with but for some unfortunate reasons, he doesn't feel the same way. And he actually doesn't care that I'm here. All this years I've thought that he could have at least seen me and I was totally wrong.

He only has 4 days before he goes back to Canada. I don't think we'll still be talking. And God knows when will I see him again. One thing is for sure though, it's just not meant to be. To make things a bit easier for me, I just tell myself that it's not meant to be and things happen for a reason. But it doesn't change a bit of the pain I feel. I'm really hurt.

As the saying goes, time heals wound. I'd like to think so.

I sent him a message yesterday with really awful things to say but am not sorry that I said it. Somehow, it felt good. I think that he needed to know it. He replied. He said he wants to see me, he has full schedule, and when he gets back to Bataan after his schedule in Manila, he'll make sure we'll see each other. Quite pleasing to hear those words from him, right? But I don't think he got my point. What I wanted to tell him is that if he didn't have time to meet up with me, he should have not invited me in the first place. And a sorry would have been better..

I feel so stupid right now. I am hurting, counting the days until his flight, somehow waiting for him to message me and say sorry and hoping that we'd see each other all at the same time. Major stupidity.

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