I love him. In fact, if only he feels the same way, I am so willing to take the risks of being with him and am not giving up. But for the past few months, things have gotten more complicated as I thought it would be. I have realized so many things. One major realization I had is that -- mahirap siya mahalin. I would have gladly accept all his imperfections if I had to but I've come to know him as someone who has different outlooks in life, love and marriage. And I guess one of the reasons why it's not going to be us because I don't share with him the same beliefs that I have when it comes to love, commitment and marriage. Somehow, his failed relationships, changed him. Another reason would be no matter how much I reached out to him so I can get to know him better, he just won't let me in. He has closed his mind, heart and life and I couldn't get in. As much as I would like to know him well, stay beside him and be his friend, he won't let me be.
I have reasons to stay and hold onto if only he want me to. And I also have reasons to let go of this feelings because it's going nowhere. I only end up hurting myself every single day that I have this feelings for him. We don't talk anymore. He only talks to me when he's bored and got nothing else to do. So I guess this is letting go and moving on.