I am blessed to teach.

It was more than a year ago when I received a text message and call from Mapua Institute of Technology Makati offering me a teaching job. I have always wanted to teach. I think it runs in my blood. Few of my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins were (are) in academe. Also, I like the academic calendar. Students' holidays are my holidays too. But when I met students and other faculty members, I realized that my desire to teach is more than the academic calendar. It is my calling. It is passion. I was offered a subject that I was hesitant to handle so I thought I wouldn't get the job. I thought that if it's really for me, there will be next time. After couple of days, I received another call from the Sir Ken (our OIC and program coordinator) whom I owe the teaching opportunity I have right now and he offered me minor subjects. I was informed that I will be handling four classes. For a beginner like me, it was really a good start. I was entrusted four regular classes! I was so nervous and excited all at the same time. I was assigned Economics subjects (my college degree was put into something useful) and Business Ethics. At first, I didn't know what to do but I was guided and become quite confident because I know it's what I wanted to do. I had classrooms full of students not to mention teenagers who were really proactive and noisy. Patience really is a virtue. It takes so much patience to handle teenagers. Some of them became my students again and some I would bump into at the hallways and will greet me with all smiles. The next four terms became much easier. It did help that I have really good students. Some would tell me how they missed me because I am no longer their teacher. Some would even visit me at the faculty room. Some would come to me and tell me about their crushes, boyfriend/girlfriends and broken hearts. And a lot would express their interests in rushing me into having a boyfriend. Yup, even my students are into date searching for their very single teacher. I'd say I am lucky to have this job and meet all the faculty members who have become my friends and my students who look up to me but more than being lucky, I am blessed to have been given the chance to guide and mold my students. I had students who unfortunately failed their subjects but I have seen them improved their performance in class and it makes me even more proud to be considered a teacher, an educator, professor, mentor and friend to my students because I know they listen to what I say. I am not the best person to conduct a lecture and discussion. At times, I feel lazy too or I lose my voice. Sometimes, I am also disorganized. But I know I am trying my very best to be someone that these students will look up to. I want to be an inspiration to these kids. And I will continue to learn and strive harder for these young people that I intend to guide and teach until they graduate from college.

I've deleted Tinder

I have deleted my Tinder account. And it's for good. Why? Because it isn't for me and it's not me.

When I first use it, I'd be lying if I say I didn't hope a little in meeting someone. I mean, I am single. Very, very single. I couldn't even remember the last time I talked to a guy or went out on a date. The people I work with and even my students would tell me every single day that I should be going out and meeting people at my age. Yes, I am 29. Should I be worried or what? After months of using it, wasting a lot of time and hurting my thumb into swiping, I realized that I don't want it. Not that I tried to build a really good profile and post a nice picture to make those men swipe to the right when they see my picture but it's just not me. Also, I had all the intention to be truthful with my profile and photo and I will never know if the men I am conversing with will tell the truth about themselves too. In short, I don't want to waste more time. I would often joked that it's the "boys at your fingertips" but again, it's not for me. I am not judging those people are who are using it because I used it too for months. Whatever are their reason for having an account, it's their choice. But me, I'm done with it. I have deleted my account and deleted the app in both my phone and computer.

There were matches. I have talked to few of them but it was just very, very short conversation. Some were nice. One was a total jerk. Two of them asked for my number. Yeah, I could probably meet someone nice and real men using the app but I have decided not to push things. If there will be someone coming into my life without the help of all those dating apps, then he will come at the right time. I've always believed that if it's God's will, it will happen and there's no way I could stop it.

The guy I am never going to meet

His name starts with letter J. Yup, another J in my life. The guy I exchange "good morning" texts to. I know nothing about him except his first name and probably what he does for work. I'd be lying if I will tell I don't want to get to know him. I do. I just don't know how to do it. I don't know anymore how to carry a nice conversation with a guy. I don't know which questions to ask without asking too much. Although we really haven't had the chance to have a real conversation, the bottom line is I don't know what to do.

Earlier this afternoon, I almost asked him if he would like to have coffee but I didn't do it. I didn't want to embarrass myself had he said no. So without asking him and knowing what his response will be, I just assumed that he will say no for various reasons like he's busy with work, he's got plans for tonight and weather is unstable. Oh, and it's too traffic to be out. For hours, I've been convincing myself that I made the right thing of not asking him. I don't really ask men out. Maybe I did once. But the thing is, I was scared. Asking him out is just a part of the story. Meeting him in person, in case he agreed, would be another story. It just scares the hell out of me. What if it doesn't turn out well? What if I screw up? What if he said yes because he didn't want to be rude but he didn't really want to meet me?

What if? Too many what ifs.  I wish Google could answer all the questions I have in mind. I don't if any of these make sense but it is what I am thinking right now and I had to write something so I can let these crazy ideas go already.

Just another J

 For some reasons, I always end up liking or wanting to know someone whose name starts with letter J. And none of them really liked me. Maybe there was one who became my boyfriend long, long, long time ago. Yup, it was a history.

So I met this guy online whose name starts with letter J. Ugh! Another J. The word met may be an understatement. I came across him but I don't really know him at all except his name and what he does for work. I felt that I wanted to get to know him. Oh, and he was cute. I thought I'd be given a chance to get to know this person but I was wrong. We exchanged messages for less than a week, he asked for my number, sent me text message once and that was it. I never heard from him again. I actually don't even know anymore how to talk to a guy nor remember the last time I actually met a real guy.

For the longest time I have been praying and hoping for that one person. I want to know again what it feels like to be swept off my feet. I want to feel again how it is to be so deeply in love with someone. I don't want to give up. I want to continue believing that one day it will come. I have been praying too that He won't let me give up and that I continue to hope and believe that the true love I once knew exists in this lifetime.

I barely become so emotional about this because I believe that everything happens for a reason. Or at least that's what I want to believe. I guess it was this person that I thought I'd be given a chance to get to know. I guess he was the trigger of all these emotions. I know his first name and probably how he looks like. And that's it. I know nothing about him. I wanted to get to know him maybe because I am open that something good might happen if we get to know each other. So much for being open to the opportunity of knowing someone (something I haven't done for years), I realized it's not gonna happen.

So yeah, he's just another J.

Spark

I was 17 years old when I fell so deeply in love. I saw this guy for the very first time and at that very moment, I knew I'd fall for him. There was the SPARK. It was magical. I couldn't exactly describe how it felt but I knew it was the right time with the right person, at least 12 years ago. And just like any other young couple, it wasn't meant to be. We broke up, moved on and went to separate paths. Why am I telling this very old story? I never had a real relationship after we broke up. I went out couple of dates but none ever worked out. It has been 11 years. Yup, it was that too long. I am almost 30 and I'd like to think that one of these days I will have the chance to feel that spark with someone again. I'd like to believe that I'd feel it when it is the right time to be with the right person. I don't want to lose hope. At one point while I was recovering from that old relationship of mine, I almost gave up. I became so hesitant in meeting new people. My world revolved with the person whom I lost long, long time ago. I thought maybe I wasn't ready to be with someone (as if there was someone to be with). I never dated for years. I tried but I always screw up. So I guess I will have to wait for that magical moment where I would feel the spark and maybe when I fall in love, it will be for good.

He wanted a Globe Subscriber

If you have read my previous blog, you would know that I am on Tinder. I haven't had any real conversation with those men I matched with, just hi and hello or where am I from. Just simple exchange of questions. I've had several matches but only few left a message. I tried once to leave a message to someone but he didn't reply. Oh well, it was harmless.

Maybe you are wondering what is it with my blog title. Well, it's my Tinder experience. What I meant with Globe is the mobile telecom in my country. So I swiped right when I saw this picture of a half naked body who only showed half of his face too. He looked cute. And hot. He got really nice body. I rarely get attracted to men with muscles. For some reason, I like chubby men. Then we matched. He immediately left a message asking if I am single and if I happen to be, he wanted my mobile number.

I consulted a friend about giving away my number. I was hesitant although it will be harmless. Finally, I decided to give my number. I mean, it could be interesting to converse with him. I gave my smart (another mobile telecom) number. I have Globe number but it's what I am using everyday so I chose not to give it. My smart is my secondary number. And he was like:

Guy: Wala ba globe or TM? (Don't you have a globe or touch mobile number?)

Me: Just smart

Guess what happened next??!!!!!!!

The poor guy unmatched me! Hahahahaha So hilarious! He preferred a Globe subscriber! He could have included that qualification in his bio!

The guy may have also posted a fake photo. I knew it was too good to be true. I mean, he only had 2 photos and the other one was a quote of Mark Twain.

I hope he finds a Globe subscriber that he could talk to.

I am on Tinder

First, don't judge me.

Second, I am not on Tinder for hook-ups. That's just not me. I am actually hoping to meet a real person if that's even possible.

Lastly, it was funny on how I started using it. I was so dumb.

So I found out I could download and install Tinder on my laptop. I didn't know how it works. What I did know is that if I swipe on the left, it means I do not like the picture or the person and if I swipe right means otherwise. Then one day when I checked it, too many men appeared on the right side of the screen and some left message like, "Hi, Hello, How are you?, Where are you from?". I ignored all of it. I had no idea how did they appear on my screen. But I continued using it swiping left mostly and several pictures went to the right. Then there was one student who insisted that I use Tinder and I told him I have the application installed in my laptop. He explained to me how those pictures appeared on my screen. I may have swiped those to the right accidentally. I also found out that if I delete my account and signed in again, it's like a fresh account. That's what I did. New account. New swiping to the left or right.

For the record, I have never met anyone in person. I have swiped some to the right and had few matches but we never talked until couple of days ago. I think I may have started using it since January of this year. And the one I'm talking to right now, we don't really have long conversation, it's just exchanging questions about ourselves (no personal information). That's all.

It can be actually fun swiping pictures to the left or right. Although sometimes, I get sleepy. It's mostly useful when I'm bored. I browse pictures and read their descriptions of themselves. Oh, and I even saw some people I know way back college. I don't know if I can meet a real person through this application but I hope I will. It will be nice to meet new people.