letter

Dearest Otep,

I want you to know that...

...I hate you for breaking up with me. I never wanted you to let me go. I wanted you to make me stay. I hate you for giving up. I hate you for not coming back.

...I have been in love with you for the last 8 years. The men I have dated after we broke up didn't mean to replace you because they can never do that.

...I am sorry for causing you pain before. You know it was never my intention. I know I broke your heart but it was even more painful to me knowing I've hurt the one I loved the most.

...You're one of the few persons I completely trust. With you, I can be myself. I love talking to you because you know me too well and you always listen. You may not realize it but you make me feel better and you give me the most helpful advice.

...I will never forget the days I have spent with you. Your memories are priceless. I wish I could turn back time.

...I love reading the letters you gave me over and over again.

...I've always wanted to ask you -- did you ever think of coming back to me? I have been waiting for you for so many years.

...Do you think if we've met later than 2003, when we were matured enough, we'd be stronger to fight for each other?

...Once I asked Him - what have I done to lose you? I shouldn't have questioned His will but until now, I really can't understand. If I have been a bad person, don't you think 6 years of my life without you is already a punishment?

...I have never imagined someone holding my hands but you.

...My friends think I'm crazy how I stayed in love with you after all these years. You are a wonderful person, who am I not to fall for you?

...Some people may not understand what I feel but it was and will never be easy to let you go.

...You have no idea how much I missed you and how I want to give you a big bear hug.

...I wish you'll come back and we'll start all over again.

...I was maybe too young when I fell in love with you. But now that I'm old enough, I still love you just like the way I did 8 years ago.

...I loved how we managed to be good friends.

...This is risky. It scares the hell out of me. This might just ruin our friendship. I can always pretend to other people that I don't care for you anymore but I can never lie to myself and to Him.

...I know you have moved on and sometimes, I wish I am too. I was sincere when I said I am happy for you when you had a girlfriend. I was just a bit jealous though. I felt so envious of her. She's one lucky girl for having you on her life.

...Thank you for everything. It has been a roller coaster ride but none of it will be worth it without you.