Job crisis

Current state: Indecisive. Half-hearted. Lazy. Uninspired.

I am going through (again) a job crisis. I have been with my current job for 7 months. Not too long but I feel like I can't stay for years like what I'd prefer to. I mean, who would like to change jobs every now and then? It's not that easy to find a job and nice boss. I also wouldn't want to undergo series of interviews and exams again. But I lose the excitement I used to have when I come to work each day for the last 6 months. All of a sudden, I feel so lazy. I would say that I come to work not because I want to but because people are expecting me to come and do my job. I go to work because I have duties and responsibilities. I go to work because I am being paid. I hate that I go to work only because of these reasons. It's not supposed to be this way. I should go to work because I love my work and would want to be of service to other people.

I do lots of things. I prepare classroom schedule and lecturers' payroll. I receive, photocopy and keep exams. I count students' absences. I assist lecturers, parents and students. I facilitate exams when needed. I report to the Academics director and supervisor. When things get worst, I get a sermon from the Accounting Department and sometimes, parents. It's a good thing I worked in a fast food restaurant for years so I can handle complaints. I am thankful for my job. I was hired the time I was actually looking for a work. I am thankful with my boss because he's really nice and accommodating when it comes to my schedule. I am grateful that the lecturers I assist appreciate me. It feels good when I hear Dr. Hidalgo would tell me, "You're so efficient, You're an angel". It feels good when they say thank you and smile at me after I assist them with what they need. But these are not enough for me to stay. There are things that are too much to handle. I get less and less satisfied each day because of situations that make me somehow unproductive but not under my control. I will not go into details though.

As much as I would like to work there longer, I don't think I can. Every single day, I feel like I need to someone to drag me out of my bed so I would go to work. I sound too lazy, aren't I?! But I really am. All of a sudden, I feel like I am forced to wake up at 5 in the morning so I could be at work before 8am. This tells me that I am not the right person for that position. It really is frustrating to be in a situation where I feel so helpless.

It saddens me that I am certain I will have to leave my current work eventually. It's not easy. I enjoy working with my office mates, bosses, lecturers and students. But then again, a decision has to be made. God bless me!