Ouch!

That moment when the guy you really like tells you that he misses his almost ex - girlfriend.

Wow. It felt like I have been slapped right through my face. It sucks because I am a friend first before I will be this girl who was kinda hurt with that reality. It sucks again because I tried to be the good friend that I am but I sucked at it simply because I felt a bit of irritation to both of them - the guy who wants to run after the girl who doesn't pay attention to him anymore and to the girl who takes him for granted when he doesn't deserve it.

Okay, I sound like a jealous girlfriend and I am NOT the girlfriend. Forgive me for feeling so irritated but I am. I really am. I have the heaviest heart right now and it is not even right so again, forgive me for my reactions. You see, my heart was in a very good condition until he came back.

I would love to be his friend. I really do but I hate myself for feeling what I feel right now. It's so improper but I feel like ranting and ranting and ranting. Ugh. Maybe I should get things straight first before I start talking to him again. I know at this point in time, he needs a friend but how can I be the good friend that I should be when my heart ruins everything.

He is not at his best state right now. He is going through a lot. But still I like him in a sense that if it's only proper to get involve, I won't give up on him. I'd like him to be the best person that he was before his heart got broken. I'd like him to believe again in love, marriage and commitment. I wonder if he gets to read this, what will be his reaction? Will he be glad that I am this person who wants to stand by him? Will it matter to him that I have these crazy thoughts?

Enough of this drama. I should be in a happy state. It's my 27th birthday tomorrow. I'm taking him off my mind for the meantime.