Sunday, September 22, 2013

A lesson I thought I'd never learn

Most of the time, it is healthy to be alone. It gives you time to think and just think about life. Yesterday, I was in a bus for 3 hour travel on my way home. I couldn't sleep so I just thought about so many things. And out of nowhere, there were significant events and people in my life that popped into my head.

Otep have been and still is my one great love. Ironic as it may be, he is the greatest heartbreak of my life. Over the years that I grieved over Otep (since he broke up with me), I fell and got hurt over and over again. And when it happens, I always end up telling myself, "You just never learn your lesson." Back then, I thought it's okay. I mean, it's part of being a human. Love and pain will always be hand in hand.

Then there came this one person whom I thought might be the one. When I met him, there was an instant connection. It felt like I knew him well enough to trust him because I did trust him. He had a girlfriend and I just wondered what would have been if it was us. Would it be happier? We lost communication for over 3 years and after that, he came back into my life. I gladly let him come in because maybe that time, it could be us. And I was wrong. It couldn't be us. It will never be us. 

M was the lesson I thought I'd never learn. With him, I dreamed, hoped, got disappointed, fell, got hurt and learned all at the same time. It was mixed emotions that I don't want to feel again. I'd like to think that he is a blessing in disguise despite all the pain I had to go through. It was an experience that taught me to think twice before I stupidly give my heart to anyone.

Now, I don't think I'd like to invest any emotions to anyone because I don't want to end up falling and picking up pieces of my heart. So I guess being single is much better. :)

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