I was introduced with a guy sometime in 2007 I think. We went out couple of times until he decided to stop seeing me. He did talk to me about it but didn't exactly say why he would stop seeing me. Of course I knew why. I may be naive or gullible but I was not stupid. I knew why he didn't want to see me anymore. So yes, I was dumped. Ouch. I knew I wasn't the person he thought I was. I was boring. I was someone he didn't like. Or maybe he did because we went out but I am not really so sure. Anyway, I was dumped. We stopped talking and for years, I never really thought about him. I mean, we went separate ways. He didn't want to see me again. He didn't even try to get to know the boring person that I was. So I moved on.
Fast forward to 7 or 8 years, few months ago, I didn't know what it is that got into me. I thought about him. You know, how he is doing. I was wondering what could have happen if we see each other again or we start communicating. There was no way I could see him again but there was one way I could talk to him. I asked myself too many times, "how do I start a conversation with the guy who dumped me to begin with?" Sure the person won't be interested in me. He wasn't into me before so today won't be different. I have been contemplating about it for weeks. I couldn't decide.
Yesterday, something weird has happened (which I will blog some other time). I was somehow pushed to find a way to message him. So I was with a friend and we were talking about him. Then my friend made fun of me and borrowed my phone, left a message to him over Facebook which I only realized when the guy replied. We exchanged very short messages. And that was it. I feel so lame. But I couldn't turn it back. It happened already. I thought he wouldn't remember who I was because it has been 7 long years. But he did. He still knows me. Oh, and he sounded uninterested of course. Like what I have said, he wasn't interested before so there's no reason he would be now.
I thought it wouldn't make me feel bad but it did. The guy never really liked me. But it's such a relief to finally know what to do. For weeks, I have been meaning to communicate with him again but I didn't know how. A part of me wants to see how much he has changed since we stopped seeing each other. A part me wants to believe that he is no longer the person that he was before. A part of me wants to see the wonderful person I saw in him before. A part of me wishes that we could be in real relationship even as friends. We weren't exactly friends. We were introduced and we went out but we do not know each other in the deep sense of it. A part of me wants to believe that people change. He was a good person because he chose to dump me even before feelings get involved. But I am not sure I will have the chance to see that person again.